Saturday, June 8, 2013

Good Days vs Bad Days

With this recovery, every day is new. Quickly, beginning with waking up, I can figure out if today is going to be a "good" day or a "bad" day.

Good days are wonderful. Waking up without any pain, able to put a lot of weight on my injured leg, get through my rehab exercises easily while pushing myself further than the day before. Not a lot of swelling, which leads to less stiffness. This helps with my overall mood as well. On these days I'm up to go places and get off the couch. Sometimes I have good days without the good mood, and vis versa, however.

Bad days are obviously - bad. Whether it's waking up with an aching pain somewhere in my leg, feeling like I can't move an inch because I'm so sore and stiff, or horrible pain. Luckily, the pain has dramatically decreased, and even when I do have pain, I can handle it. Another symptom of a bad day comes while I'm doing my rehab. Either half-assing it because I feel like I don't need to do right now, or don't want to. Or, what usually leads to those feelings - not being able to do my rehab well. Getting frustrated, because I can't bend my knee as far as I could the day before. Which leads to anger and thoughts like, "Why is this happening? I should be able to get back to that point, if not farther! This is stupid" blah blah blah.

The worst days, could not even involve any of those things. Just feeling depressed, is what can halt any forward moving with my recovery. No matter what caused me to start feeling that way for the day, it always ends up the same. I will refuse to do anything. I becomes stubborn an snappy at everyone, because inside my head I'm snapping and yelling and screaming at myself. I'll ask why this happened, why it had to happen now, why it's taking so long, why it seems none of my friends actually care about me when I'm in this position. All these thoughts flood into my head and I can't think about anything else.

In the beginning of my recovery, bad days were everyday. But slowly, those bad days are going away, and good days slip in there more often. Still waiting for a whole week of good days, but I feel that might not happen until I can freely walk again.

1 comment:

  1. Hannah, What a smart, brave, and strong young woman you are. I continue to hold you in my prayers and pray that your GOOD days will continue while the BAD days soon disappear altogether. Thank you for sharing your story. Sending healing vibes your way! Karen Schul